An abundance of grace

    "He had a dream, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it......Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I did not know it.”
-Genesis 28: 10-13, 16

~*~*~*~ 

    All too often in my own life, I fail to recognize when God is at work. I take so much for granted and fail to recognize His handiwork. Like Jacob, if often takes that moment of, "Wow! God is here!" to get me to recognize where He was at work. To change this, last January I set out on a journey to "find God in my life." I remember asking Him to reveal Himself to me; to show me how He was at work in my life and to give me eyes to see more of Who He is. Little did I know where this journey would take me. 

     From the very beginning, I felt Him at work in my life in a new way. Many trials came my way and with them, many God moments. This past year has been the hardest, yet most amazing year of my life! God has taken me out of my comfort zone time and time again to accomplish His goal; He has challenged and grown me in so many areas. I have seen Him at work a dozen time over and have stood in awe at this King Who deems me worthy of His attention; of His love; of His grace.

     Shortly before our move last summer, I remember we had a family meeting in which my parents asked us to pray with them about whether we should move that year or this year (2016). In that moment, I felt the Lord impress it upon my that heart that- whether or not my parents moved that summer- I needed to come that year. I just knew God had something planned here for my life this summer and if I didn't move last year I would miss it. Then we moved, and those first 5 months were the hardest months of my life. I remember begging God to send me a friend and He did. He sent the sweetest gal into my life to minister to and pray with me during that season. Then, in His goodness and wisdom, He removed her from my life for the time being. I couldn't understand why He had answered my prayer just to "take back His answer" a few short months later. Hadn't I prayed for that friend?? So why then was He taking her away from me?? Once more, I begged Him for a friend. Enter Daniel Carr. Dan was "just a friend of my brother's" at first, but as I got to know him he quickly became a good friend to me. Over the summer as we hung out more things changed. Dan and I are now courting (yay!) and as of last week, the friend I thought had moved away forever, has returned to Moscow and is once more back in my life.

     I see now that God had this incredible plan laid out all along; a journey of trials and questions that led to an abundance of blessings and joy. You see, God often veils His plans for our lives only revealing them in small portions, so as to give us a glimpse of Who He is in our lives. Like Jacob, it is those little "ladders to heaven" moments that open our eyes to the beauty of that plan. Truly, God is in this place; in my life. How thankful I am for this undeserved downpour of love and grace! How amazed I am that He would deem me worthy of such blessings and kindness! 

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."

 Psalm 40:2-3

For the glory of God!

Loving at a cost

"By this, all will know that you are My disciples; 

if you love one another as I have loved you." 

John 13:35

~*~*~*~

I am what you call a "stream flower" personality type. This means that it is in my nature to seek to fix the pain and difficulty of those I love. I love deeply and because of this, I subsequently hurt deeply. When someone I care about is hurting or struggling, I hurt and struggle with them. It's not always to have this type of personality because it often leaves my heart feeling battered and sore. But in the same way, it gives me the unique opportunity to pour into the lives of those who are hurting.

This past week I have had many conversations  with coworkers and the children at my work that have broken my heart. (The things these kids have gone through!) I hurt for the loss and pain my coworker went through as a child (I'm not at liberty to divulge details) and grieve for the loss of the kids who went through divorce and heartache at such young ages.

But it is in light of these stories that my eyes have been opened to the pain in these hearts, and I see this enlightenment as a chance to love these people all the more deeply. Will it hurt? Most likely. But when I think of the pain Christ must feel every day at the suffering of His children, my own seems so insignificant.

To love is to obey Christ. And while loving others is not always easy, it is what we are called to do as followers of the Great Lover Himself. The world tries to romanticize love; to make brotherly, or friendly love seen pointless. But only love can drive out hate. So should we not love all the more?! If putting our hearts on the line and embracing the pain and suffering of our fellow mankind can make a different in their lives, is it not  worth it?! So I will continue to love those who cross my path not matter how badly it might hurt. And while I may never know- this side of heaven- what difference it made in their lives, I do know this: to love is to bring Christ to others. Therefore, to live a life of love is the most notable of all causes in this world. And while I may never change the world, by loving someone I may just change the world for THAT person.

"Therefore, let us love one anther for love is of God." 

1 John 4:7 

A birthday rose

   I want to tell you a story about a young girl who's only wish for her birthday was for a rose of particular color: yellow. Without telling her friends or coworkers of this, the girl harbored this wish in her prayers until the day of her birthday. This particular wish was special to the girl because her favorite flower was the rose and her favorite color, yellow. Her previous plant had died with the winter chill much to the disappointment of the girl this she desired a new one. Unaware of this desire, the girl's friend went out and bought just such flowers for the girl's birthday.

   While this story may seem silly or insignificant, it holds deep meaning for me. You see, I was that girl. All I wanted was that yellow rose. Something so simple and unimportant. Surely God didn't care about that! But He showed up in a most unexpected way to show me that He does care about that which I care about; that He does indeed hear the desires of my heart no matter how small and yearns to fulfill such desires.

   I tell you this not to bring attention to myself, but to my God. Whoever said God doesn't care about the little details in life clearly never wanted anything so minuscule or pointless as a rose for their birthday. My friends, God does care about every detail of your life. If it's important to you, how much more so it is important to Him!

   The God Who created you and is even now writing Your life story, loves you beyond all human comprehension. Trust Him. His plan- His story- with all it's twists and turns, is the most beautiful story you could ever imagine yourself living. Even down to the smallest of details.

But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 

Luke 12:28

For the glory of God!

A nation of hope

    I close my eyes. I can still the Zambian countryside, still hear the sound of laughter. I can see clearly the route between the Lusaka houses. I remember those times we walked to church together; the times we hung out at My Father's House 3 playing spoons or watching Barbie. I remember the drives to Chongwe in Uncle Phil's rickety old SUV and all the stops we had to make to let the engine cool down. I remember the smiles on the faces of the people we passed; of the joyous throng of worshipers singing and dancing before the Lord. I remember the joy...the hope...the love...the laughter.

Why do I share these memories now? Because I want to show you something. 

Too often the tales of Africa are spun with horror and tragedy-of sickness and poverty. But rare is the story of hope and encouragement. But this is the Africa I want to show you; the one that is filled with joy and laughter. 

   Let me pause here to say that I am not disregarding those tragic stories, for sadly, those stories are common in Africa. But with those stories come the ones of redemption and grace: of love and of joy. The stories that get caught up among and lost among the others. 

   I have seen both sides of Africa during my short trips. I have seen heart wrenching pain and sorrow, and poverty beyond my previous imagination. But in the midst of these I also saw unfathomable beauty and grace: the glorious beauty of love and redemption in the midst unspeakable tragedy.

   Yes, Africa is struck by tragedy and hardship. But despite such, faith and hope are on the rise because the good news of Christ is being spread across the nation. I have witnessed firsthand how the redemptive love of Christ can change a hopeless, despairing situation into one of hope and joy. Christ doesn't always change the circumstances, but He always, always, changes the person. And that, changes their outlook on the situation. This is how a nation is changed: by the redemption of Christ's love. This is the Africa I want to show you; the Africa that I choose to remember. The Africa that I know and love.

   It is through people like you and me that Christ's work is being accomplished in Africa and around the world. Together, we can make a difference in this world. Together, we can be the light- the hope- the love-

that Africa and the rest of the world so desperately needs. 

We can bring 
Christ to the nations. 

                                                                            

We can be Christ to the people of the world.  

"For the glory of God!"

My name is beloved

   The devil tells me I am weak, I am flawed, I am unqualified; he tells me that I am not enough- that people don't want me for who I am. He tells me that I need to be who the world expects me to be in order to be liked.  But Jesus tells me I am loved, I am cherished, I am beautiful; He tells me I am enough as I am- that I am perfect and complete, made in His image.

   To the world I will never be enough. To Jesus, I have always been enough from the moment I was conceived. The world will never accept me or love me. People will always criticize me and slander my life. But JESUS will always accept me and love me just as I am, because I am HIS.

I am not perfect, but I am a perfect mess. I am a beautiful, flawed, human being that was thought about and woven together by the hands of the Creator. He loves me, cherishes me and adores me. I am His creation. His daughter. His beloved.

 I am beloved. 

"I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." 

Song of Solomon 6:3 

For the glory of God 

Some else's kids

        I once head someone say, "There is no such thing as someone else's children. When they are in my arms, they're my child."  

      I work with children every day, all day. I see the good and the bad, I've changed more dirty diapers than I count, have wiped more snotty noses and have cleaned more accidents off the floor than can be counted. I've acted as peace maker hundreds of times and have disciplined many a tantrum laden child. But at the end of the day when I am lying in bed, it is not those things that I remember. Rather, it is the memory of that sleepy child waking up from nap and crawling into my lap- of his sweaty head tucked beneath my chin while I rubbed his back. I think not of the screaming tantrums but of those rare moments when they just want to be held; of that child running to show me the mud pie he made, or the picture she drew for me. I smile as I remember the funny conversations I overheard and laugh when I remember the way they tobogganed down the dirt hill because the snow was gone, but they still wanted to go sledding. 

       I am with these kids more than even their own parents are during the week. I am the one (or rather, one of the people) who gets to train these kids- to teach them- to love on them all day-to calm their fears, quiet their tears and comfort them when they're hurt. From the moment I walk through that door each day, to the minute I walk out, these are not someone else's kids, they're mine. No matter how tired or frustrated I am at the end of the day, or how dirty and gross I have gotten, I will never regret working with children. I may not have a college degree or child development credits, but to me, my job is just as important as that of a college graduate's. And while I may not make as much money as they do, there is nothing in the world that I would rather do than this!  I get dirty, I get tired and worn out (I have a whole new level of empathy for mom's! lol),  I laugh and cry with these kids; I pour my heart into them and at the end of the day I get to go home knowing I made a difference in their lives; in the lives of "my adoptive children." <3

"For the glory of God!"

    

       

A fearful lamb

     This is a topic that has been on my heart for some time now. The image of Christ as our Shepherd, as my Shepherd, is sweet beyond words to me! I saw this video  on Facebook last night and was struck by the beauty and the truth of this man's words.  (Blogger wouldn't let me post the video, so here is the link)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-P0S0XDazA

    "Sometimes we are rejected because the Shepherd wants to come along and pick us up Himself." I love this! I have the unfortunate character flaw of chronic fearfulness, which  makes the imagery of Christ as my Shepherd all  the more beautiful. When I am struggling with my fears it is a vast comfort to know that He is only one whisper  away from being at my side, staff in hand to pluck me from the mire.

"He looked very kindly at the little shepherdess...  but also with full understanding. He knew her through and through, in all the intricate labyrinth  of her lonely heart, far better than she knew herself."                  - Hind's Feet on High Places

      How sweet this quote is! That even when my pitiful flesh is quaking with fears and anxieties, He looks not on my cry with distaste or judgement, but with love and tender compassion. What a blessed relief it is that He understands and knows my heart better than I do. For when I am fearful of things I can't even explain, He knows what is causing that anxiety and how to stop it. His whispers of love pour into my heart,  into my spirit, reviving and rejuvenating me in His presence. Flooding my being with love and thankfulness. Without Him I would be a wreck. This journey to hind's feet might not be easy, but through every moment of each day I know that my Shepherd is guiding me with precision and love, ever onward to the high places!

 "He makes my feet like hinds’ feet,
         And sets me upon my high places.
He trains my hands for battle,
         So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have also given me the shield of Your salvation,
         And Your right hand upholds me;
         And Your gentleness makes me great.
You enlarge my steps under me,
         And my feet have not slipped."
-Psalm 33: 33-36 
"For the glory of  God!"

A heart of trustful stillness

It is still dark when I rise. The house is quiet as I pluck my Bible from it's resting place and take my seat near the window. I sit in the light of the lamp as dawn's first light peaks over the neighboring hills. All is still. I am still.
     

     "Be still." The continual cry in my heart this past year; the whisper of the Father to His child. As each day rolled around last year, I knew that this reminder, this command, was going to show itself in some form in my life that day. 365 days; 365+ times I saw or heard that verse. As the year progressed He got more and more obvious about His desire for me to learn the lesson He was yearning to teach me. Try though He might to teach me, I just wasn't getting it. Until last week.. then it hit me. I was reading Hind's Feet on High Places, where the Shepherd was scolding Much-Afraid for being impatient with Him for not doing what she wanted Him to do in her life. I was convicted by His words:

~*~"When you wear the weed of impatience 

in your heart instead of the flower of

Acceptance-with-Joy, 

your enemies (fear, pride, anxiety, worry)

will get an advantage over you."~*~

 

            You see, I had become so obsessed with my dreams and hopes for life that I had started trying to control the path my life took. Instead of praying that His will would be done in my life, all my

prayers had become about me: "Help this to happen," "please do this," "I want this to occur.." etc. But who am I, who sees only as far the days end, to dictate how my life should go? The rest of Psalm 46:10 says "..know that I am God." HE IS GOD. He sees my future as far as there is to see. So better to lead my life than Him? It is time that I stop trying to control things that are out of my control and to truly quiet myself before Him, believing that He knows best so that I might come to say: "You choose, my Lord, and I will obey."

"Be still and know that I am God."

Psalm 46:10

For the glory of God!