9 year anniversary

   9 years of marriage. 10 years together including our dating year. Life with you has been adventure for sure. An adventure i never knew I needed- or wanted, till I met you. You are my everything; my sun, moon and stars. You are my rock. My support. My better half. You complete my soul. 

  You are my opposite in every way. Where i am timid, you are bold. When I spiral, you bring logic and peace. When you're pessimistic, I bring the optimism. When you're moody, I bring the cheer. You are the carefree, adventurous one. I am the one who struggles with fear and worry. I overthink and am afraid to take big risks. You think things through carefully, come up with a good plan and take the chances bravely and thoughtfully. 

  God knew our kids would need both of us. I am overly affectionate and struggle with maintaining rules and being tough. You're the strict one; our kids listen because of you. But you're also the fun one; climbing the monkey bars and rough housing when they need it. Together, we parent in love and fun. 

  You are my missing piece in life. Meeting you made me whole. Thank you for challenging me and enabling me to grow and change. You've walked beside me in this life, with love and grace. Supporting me through some of my toughest times in life. Your quiet strength and steady hand have held me up and carried me on when I felt like I couldn't anymore. Thank you for loving me so completely, so selflessly. 

  Here's to a lifetime more of adventures and memories; to growing and changing together. 

From stress to peace

   How easy it is to feel overwhelmed about life, and let yourself spiral into stress unnecessarily. School takes over 3hrs now. Benny is still tiny and need - and currently sick. So he's been a lot. Both boys are in soccer, on separate teams. Bible study starts next week and mom group and Friday play group are every week. Not to mention, the upcoming move and all the logistics and chaos of that coming soon. 

  It's a lot. It's chaotic and overstimulating. It leaves me feeling overwhelmed and discouraged; like I'm failing at life. But am I really? Is it really that much? 

  My baby is healthy. Sure, he's sick now. But he's whole, and strong, and growing like a weed. He's *healthy.* 

  My boys GET to stay home with me because I chose to homeschool. I have the gift of teaching them myself. Yes, it's a lot. Yes, it gets frustrating and overstimulating. But I get every day, all day with my boys, making memories together- creating a childhood together, because of homeschooling. 

  Our social lives are chaotic and busy. It's a lot to keep track of and gets tiring. But my boys get to experience playing sports and making new friends on a regular basis because we have such busy schedules. They will never miss out on hearing mom cheer from the sidelines, or struggle with loneliness because their friend group is so small. I get to be in a bible study with my hubby, and meet with other moms on a regular basis, giving me a chance to breath and regroup with other parents in the same life stage, enabling me to be a better mother to my boys.  

  The upcoming move feels scary and overwhelming, but this is a move we have prayed for and been working towards for 10 years. An answered prayer a long time coming. The chaos and exhaustion is going to give way to more space for our boys, and the ability to -finally- let them loose to experienced boyhood with city reservations. We'll get to grow our own food, own our own farm animals and get a break from current financial stress. 

  So, yes. Life is a lot right now, and it's easy to dwell on the negatives and lose sight of what God has done and is doing for us. But today, I'm choosing to focus on God's gifts; I'm choosing to remember that I'm living the life I always prayed for. God gave me these answers, He can get me through this season. 

Advice to a new mom

   Someone recently asked me what kind of advice I'd give to a first time mom, and it got me thinking. What do you tell a woman who's entire world is about to change? A woman's who's body is about rewire itself? There's not enough time in the world to cover everything she might need to know. But what does she really needs to know?  

   Birth is nasty and hard. It will push you to your breaking point. That first week Postpartum will be harder than you ever imagined. You will be sore and stressed, and more tired than you've ever experienced. Having a tiny human depending entirely upon you for their survival, is the scariest thing you've ever experienced. All the worry and the stress, will leave you mentally depleted and completely unrecognizable to yourself. These are the things people will warn you about. But what they should be telling you about? That moment you finally hold your baby in your arms: when it feels like your heart breaks wide open; like your entire life falls into place. A love unlike any you've ever experienced bursts deep inside you and in that moment, you know you would do anything for this child. That first year Postpartum, you're stretched and changed into a new person, as your'e pushed past your limits and find out what you're made of. Finding yourself again postpartum is a wild journey. Being a mom helps mold and shape you into something beautiful. Having a little life depend on you is intense. But being that baby's safe place? Magical. Watching them sleep in your arms, completely at peace? Indescribable. The joy that comes from the every day monotony as you watch that child grow is incredible. Every new stage, every new "trick" that they learn, will have you bursting with pride for your child. 

  Yes, motherhood is a wild ride. It stretches you, and rearranges everything in your life. It's messy and loud, and oftentimes grief and joy coexist as your child grows faster than you want them to. But it is the most beautiful, rewarding thing you will ever do in life. Spending your days loving that child and caring for them will bring you a fullfillledness that nothing else can. The tiredness won't last. You'll sleep again. You'll find time for yourself and your hobbies again. But those young years don't last. So slow down momma. Be in the moment. Soak it all up and memorize every detail. These are the days worth living for. These are the moments that make it all worth it.