Everett's birth story

 

It's been 3 weeks and I'm still in awe at what my body accomplished, bringing my sweet babe into the world. Frasier's birth was traumatic and exhausting, leaving me in fear of ever giving birth again. Even now, 2 years later, I still look back at that experience with great disappointment, cringing as I remember the fear and the helplessness I felt. It took me over a year to heal enough to face the prospect of another birth, and by God's grace, Everett's birth was drastically different. This birth has left me feeling empowered and amazed by what the female body can do. I reflect on this birth with gratitude that God gave us such a healing experience, helping me let go of my fears.

  Other than the summer heat, Everett's pregnancy was smooth and comfortable. Thankfully, we both stayed strong and healthy the entire time. I loved feeling my active little guy rolling and playing inside, but it turned out that he was moving TOO much. Three weeks before his due date, my little guy rolled face up. A movement that turned out to be the first of 9 rotations that he would make over the next  2 weeks. From there, he flipped breech/head down 4x, followed by several turns face up/face down. After a stressful - and exhausting- couple weeks of nightly positioning contractions and multilple chiropractor visits, we finally got baby head down and engaged.

  A week before our due date, I stated experiencing stronger, more consistent contractions. I woke up at 1am on August 22nd, to my first painful contraction. As I lay in bed riding it out, I felt my water break. Dan called the midwife as I cleaned myself up and started preparing for labor. The midwife arrived at 2:45am and started prepping me for an IV- since my waters had broken and my group-B status was unknown. Upon checking me we found that I was only at 3cm so I went back to bed to get some sleep before things picked up.  Shortly after 6am, Dan took Frasier over over my parents house so that our house would be quiet for me.

  Another midwife arrived shortly after 7am to place an IV catheter in my arm. By this time I was between 4-5cm but contractions were consistently between 4-6min apart. I spent the morning alternating between pacing the backyard, squatting over my birth ball and resting. By 1pm, I had stalled at 5.5cm with a cervical lip. My midwife left to get lunch so that Dan and I could spend some time alone, while I continued walking the yard, climbing the stairs and doing lunges across the house to dissolve the lip.

  About 3pm I decided I was ready for my mom to come over, as things were starting to pick up. By the time the midwives got back I was going thru transition. The lip was gone, but baby had bounced back up, so we started doing some positioning techniques to bring him back down and align him correctly. By 5pm I was in active labor and could no longer sleep or talk thru the contractions. I spent the next several hours resting with the peanut ball between my balls and sitting on my birthing ball in the shower. Through this whole time, Dan was my biggest supporter and encouragement; holding my hands and letting me lean on him during contractions. Around 9pm, as I was sitting in the shower I had my first "pushy" contraction. I caught a look of panic on Dan's face as he watched my belly; "That one was different wasn't it??" He rushed out to tell the midwife we were getting close. Dan started heating the birthing pool as my mom helped me into my swim top. I was now at 8.5cm but contractions had spaced to 6-10min apart, so I  spent the remaining hours resting between contractions, while floating my belly in the water during them. A little after 10:30 I felt my inner water bag break and instantly had the urge to push. After 3-4 pushes, I could feel his head. The midwife team kept telling me to look down so I would see him, but I was too scared. I had done this at Frasier's birth 2hrs into pushing but seeing how little of his head was out,  had set me back mentally. After several minutes, of coaxing, Dan quietly grabbed my hand and moved it down to touch Everett's head. Upon feeling his hair, I finally opened opened eyes and looked down. Half of his head was out! I could see a mass of blonde hair floating in the water. It was amazing and surreal. Seeing how close he was to coming out gave me the mental strength I needed. With the next contraction I decided it was done- he was coming out NOW. I took a deep breath and pushed harder than I had ever pushed before. I felt a rush of relief as his head popped out; another breath and his body shot out.

  My beautiful boy was born at 11:17 on August 23rd, after 22hrs of labor. He was born with a triple cord wrap around his neck. My midwife quickly unwrapped him and placed him on my chest. As tears of joy and relief rolled down my face, the midwife team rushed to clear his lungs and get him breathing. After delivering the planceta, I was moved to the couch where the team continued to work on Everett, who was struggling to breath. A few pumps of oxygen and some hard back rubs and he finally let out a big wail, clearing his lungs.

  I was left to snuggle my boy while the team started cleaning up. As I gazed at this blue eyed, blonde boy I was filled with a deep love and gratitude that this beautiful baby had made it safely thru his pregnancy and delivery. I had harbored much fear and anxiety the duration of the pregnancy, that something was gonna go wrong and my boy wouldn't make it. So to sit there and finally be holding him- my strong and healthy boy- was the deepest relief and joy.

  A while later, Everett was passed to Dan so that I could be stitched up. Amazingly, none of my original scars had torn. I had but one insignificant tear that required just 2 stitches. Another answer to prayer. The team finished cleaning up, settled me and Everett in bed and headed home. We had been up for 25hrs, but laying there with a healthy baby, it was all worth it. Every single prayer and need in regards to the labor and delivery had been answered before we even knew there was going to be a need. I am overwhelmingly thankful that God worked everything out and gave me the healing and beautiful birth I had prayed for.

  This tiny boy whose name literally means, "bold and strong walker," is indeed just that: bold and strong. Despite having a prolonged labor with a triple cord wrap, his heartrate barely faltered the entire time. He was calm and strong and never had an issue. He is going to need that strength and boldness to live in the world he's going to grow up in. I pray that his name would be the definition of his character; that he would walk boldly and strongly in the Lord, never faltering. I pray that the Lord would continue to be with him the way he was during birth and that Everett would one day "see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." 

      ~*~*~

Everett Walker Carr

8lbs. 1oz

20 3/4in long 

August 23rd, 2021 11:17pm 

❤ ❤ ❤

Frasier's journey

  On Monday, September 27th I was faced with every mother's worst nightmare: my son was missing. As if from a far off distance, I heard the officer ask for a description of Frasier.  I stood there in a daze, somehow answering his questions with a strange calm about me. All the while, my mind was reeling with the "what if's" and mom guilt.

   What started as an ordinary Monday took a turn for the worst around noon. 2 year old Frasier had been playing outside with his cousins while I sat inside with the baby. I kept a close eye out the window, but when I lost sight of him and his 11 year old uncle told me he was in the barn, I didn't think anything of it. It wasn't until 20 minutes had passed and I still hadn't seen him come out, that I started to worry. I popped out the door and started calling for him. When I didn't get an answer I went down to check the barn: he wasn't in there. A quick search of the property showed he wasn't on the premises.

   I felt a growing sense of dread as my mom and sisters joined the search, trying to ignore the fear creeping up inside me. "He's probably just over the hill at the apple tree," I kept thinking. But he wasn't there. The tears started falling as fears of mountain lions and other doom crept into my mind. In a panic I ran through the draw as fast as I could, screaming his name. My sisters- on horseback- went in opposite directions, Dan was called from work and in sheer desperation, 911 was called.

   While we waited for the cops to show up, more siblings, friends and neighbors poured in the help search. It was becoming increasingly obvious that he wasn't near the property, which led to darker fears. By now, Dan and I were starting to fear we would never see our sweet boy again. Sick with fear and grief, I begged God to save my boy. I'd do anything to have him safe in my arms again. 

   After an hour of searching, a cry went out that he'd been found. The following 10 minutes were the longest of my life as we waited with fearful anticipation for my brother to come back with him: was he alive? Hurt? Unconscious? So many questions. Finally, we spotted them as they appeared on the skyline above the property: he was alive. I wept with joy as I ran towards them. Shaking with relief, I grabbed my boy from Shadd's arms. I stood there weeping as I thanked God over and over for giving me another chance with Frasier.

   As things settled down, we got the details from Shadd. Frasier was found nearly a mile and a half from the house, hiding under a bush crying for mom. My sister's goldendoodle had gone with him and was standing guard over him, barking. It was her constant barking that led Shadd to them. Frasier was thirsty and tired and very scared, but unharmed. How he made it that far or what made him wander, we'll never know. And I don't need to know. All I know is that God answered our prayers in mighty ways, protecting Frasier while he was out there and guiding Shadd to him.

   I will forever be grateful that God answered our prayers that way. Each day with my sons is a gift, but now I have a greater appreciation for the time that we are given with them. Mothering is hard work. It's emotional and stressful and tiring. But it is truly one of the greatest gifts God has given women. Motherhood is a responsibility that should not be taken lightly. We are never guaranteed more time with our children, so make the most of that time. Savor every precious moment and never forget to remind your children of how much they are loved- not only by you, but the One Who knew them and loved them long before you did. 

Frasier's birthstory

  It was a rainy April morning when I woke up with braxton hicks. Having had prodromal labor for weeks, i went about my day without a second thought to the fact that these were different. A little before noon I noticed they were getting stronger but still inconsistent. My midwife stopped by around 1 to drop off some NORA tea and told me she was heading to a different birth. She joked that I couldn't go into labor that day. After she left Dan and I were laughing about how weird it would be if we were the second birth in her 30yrs experience that she was double booked. Little did we know, that's exactly what was happening.

  By 4:00 that afternoon, my contractions were
7minutes apart, so I called my midwife to give her a heads up that I was definitely in labor. Being with another first time mom, she didn't think she would make it in time. So she called in a backup team who arrived around 8:00 that night. By the time they got there contractions were less than 4 minutes apart. We set up the birthing pool and settled in for what we thought would be a short night. Sometime around 1:00am, the midwife sent me to bed to try to rest since things were taking a while. I slept for an hour and then settled onto my birthing ball to try to strengthen the contractions. My original midwife arrived around 4am and sent the other team home. By 6:00 the contractions were coming one on top of the other with less than a minute break between. I had been laboring in the pool since 5:00 so my midwife had me try some pushes. I pushed for an hour with no change.

  When my midwife checked my progress we discovered I was barely at a 6. While Dan ran to walmart to get some evening primrose oil to help things along, I continued to labor in the pool. Upon his return, my midwife checked me again and rubbed some evening primrose oil on my cervix. My cervix was barely effaced and baby boy had yet to engage like he should've. I continued to labor between the bed and the tub for several more hours with my midwife checking me and using the EPO every hour. I tried to rest throughout the day but the contractions were so intense I could barely sleep. By nightfall I was only at a 7. I had uncontrollable shakes and was so tired I thought I might puke.

  I was sent to bed again. This time when I awoke, I had almost made it to an 8, but had a cervical lip that was preventing me from dilating any further. With the next contraction my midwife manually removed the lip. From this point on, with every contraction she was stretching my cervix to help me dilate further. (Talk about pain on top of pain!!!) By 2:30am I was on so exhausted that the contractions started pacing further apart. I was on oxygen to help me control my breathing and keep from passing out. Out of fear for mine and Frasier's lives, my midwife had me start pushing without being fully dilated. With each contraction and push, she continued to stretch me to make room for his head. I pushed for 3 hours before he finally crowned because he kept getting stuck on my pelvic bone. Upon crowning, we discovered my perenium bands were too tight to accommodate his head. After 45min of pushing, I was given a 3rd degree episiotomy to get him out. With 2 more contrations he flew into the world, at 6:28 am on April 10th, moving so fast the midwife almost couldn't catch him. He came out growling and looking around.

  I had a rush of pure relief that it was over and he was safe. They laid him on my chest and the first thing I noticed was his huge hands. Lol! My waters had broken when he crowned, and I could now see that there had been some meconium in them as Frasier was green and covered in poop. (The stinker pooped all over me as he lay there too!) I was given a shot of pitocin and my midwife started tugging on the cord to deliver the placenta. After the placenta came out Dan was given the baby so my midwife could stitch me up. Seeing my husband with our child filled me with such joy and love. I loved seeing the tenderness and awe with which he gazed at his son. By 9:00am everything was cleaned up and everyone had gone home. Dan and I were left in a quiet house to snuggle our new son and finally- FINALLY- sleep.

  A year later, as I reflect on those 3 days I can see the Lords hand all over the birth. The fact that Frasier came out strong and healthy after that ordeal is nothing short of a miracle. Not only the birth, but the labor as a whole was covered by God's grace. Frasier's heartrate never faltered. He was strong and happy -and very active- the entire time. And somehow, I had enough energy to stay with it and never needed to transfer in to the hospital. The next morning when I woke up exhausted and in pain, all I felt was gratitude. Overwhelming gratitude that things didn't turn out differently.

Yes, I am disappointed in the way things went. I didn't get the birth I wanted; I ended up on my back in the bed. I didn't get to see him be weighed and measured. I never got to see my placenta. Dan didn't get to cut the cord. I didn't get to deliver in the pool. I wound up with a lot of stitches and a long recovery. It was long, it was hard and it was scary. I grieve for the birth we didn't get: for those first meetings I missed because I was on bedrest and those precious moments immediately after the birth that i was too dazed to be a part of. But that grief and disappointment aren't Frasier's story. His birthstory is one of grace and redemption.  Shortly before he was born I asked if someone could pray; I felt a presence in that room that was not of God. As we prayed that presence left and I felt the peace of God wash over me, giving me a new strength. Frasier was born soon after, perfect and healthy, despite the concerns we had had.

God has great plans for this child. Satan wanted to end his life but God was in control and every day with this beautiful, healthy, strong willed boy is proof of that. I rejoice in the victory God had over that situation; over the life Frasier now gets to live, and I am thankful every day that I get watch His plan unfold in this sweet boy's life.

Finding my happy "ending"

   The world slowed to a blur as cameras flashed and phones clicked. In the stillness of baited breath and long awaited hopes, was heard a trembling voice:

 

 "Will you marry me?"

        

With that one little question, my life was forever changed.

~*~*~*~   

      
      Growing up I loved to watch my parents interact with each other. The love they had for one another was so obvious in everything they did. Even when they were upset with each other, you could still see it. I never had to worry about them splitting up or fighting beyond reconciliation, because I knew that they had THAT love. The kind of love that always forgives, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Cor. 13:7).  No matter what happened I always knew they'd be there for each other; fighting for that love and for their family.                                  

                                                                                    

 

That's the kind of love I wanted. The kind of love I prayed for. The kind of love I now have.   

     
      
     In Dan I have found my dream come true. My happy ending.. or rather, beginning. I now understand how one can love so deeply they'd give anything to protect their loved one; to keep them close. With Dan I have loved and been loved more deeply than I ever imagined possible. He loves me with a love so deep I KNOW nothing will ever quench that love. In our 3 months of marriage, I have been more cherished and adored by this man than I have ever been in my life.
   We laugh together, cry together, pray together. We've had our arguments. But we've also had our opportunities to forgive and love. In him I find joy overflowing into my life and love constantly growing in my heart. He has shown me what it really means to love someone. To love as Christ loves us.  Every time Dan forgives me for a wrongdoing, I get a glimpse of what Christ does for me on a daily basis. If Dan- in his humanity- can forgive me, how much more so does Christ!

      The love Christ has for me must be an ocean of unfathomable vastness, to outdo my husband's love for me! All those verses about Christ being the bridegroom suddenly make sense to me now! I thank the Lord every time I look at Dan and see that love in his eyes. I thank Him for the gifts He has given me; both in Dan and in His grace and salvation.

An abundance of grace

    "He had a dream, and behold, a ladder was set on the earth with its top reaching to heaven; and behold, the angels of God were ascending and descending on it......Then Jacob awoke from his sleep and said, “Surely the LORD is in this place, and I did not know it.”
-Genesis 28: 10-13, 16

~*~*~*~ 

    All too often in my own life, I fail to recognize when God is at work. I take so much for granted and fail to recognize His handiwork. Like Jacob, if often takes that moment of, "Wow! God is here!" to get me to recognize where He was at work. To change this, last January I set out on a journey to "find God in my life." I remember asking Him to reveal Himself to me; to show me how He was at work in my life and to give me eyes to see more of Who He is. Little did I know where this journey would take me. 

     From the very beginning, I felt Him at work in my life in a new way. Many trials came my way and with them, many God moments. This past year has been the hardest, yet most amazing year of my life! God has taken me out of my comfort zone time and time again to accomplish His goal; He has challenged and grown me in so many areas. I have seen Him at work a dozen time over and have stood in awe at this King Who deems me worthy of His attention; of His love; of His grace.

     Shortly before our move last summer, I remember we had a family meeting in which my parents asked us to pray with them about whether we should move that year or this year (2016). In that moment, I felt the Lord impress it upon my that heart that- whether or not my parents moved that summer- I needed to come that year. I just knew God had something planned here for my life this summer and if I didn't move last year I would miss it. Then we moved, and those first 5 months were the hardest months of my life. I remember begging God to send me a friend and He did. He sent the sweetest gal into my life to minister to and pray with me during that season. Then, in His goodness and wisdom, He removed her from my life for the time being. I couldn't understand why He had answered my prayer just to "take back His answer" a few short months later. Hadn't I prayed for that friend?? So why then was He taking her away from me?? Once more, I begged Him for a friend. Enter Daniel Carr. Dan was "just a friend of my brother's" at first, but as I got to know him he quickly became a good friend to me. Over the summer as we hung out more things changed. Dan and I are now courting (yay!) and as of last week, the friend I thought had moved away forever, has returned to Moscow and is once more back in my life.

     I see now that God had this incredible plan laid out all along; a journey of trials and questions that led to an abundance of blessings and joy. You see, God often veils His plans for our lives only revealing them in small portions, so as to give us a glimpse of Who He is in our lives. Like Jacob, it is those little "ladders to heaven" moments that open our eyes to the beauty of that plan. Truly, God is in this place; in my life. How thankful I am for this undeserved downpour of love and grace! How amazed I am that He would deem me worthy of such blessings and kindness! 

"He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet upon a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God."

 Psalm 40:2-3

For the glory of God!

Loving at a cost

"By this, all will know that you are My disciples; 

if you love one another as I have loved you." 

John 13:35

~*~*~*~

I am what you call a "stream flower" personality type. This means that it is in my nature to seek to fix the pain and difficulty of those I love. I love deeply and because of this, I subsequently hurt deeply. When someone I care about is hurting or struggling, I hurt and struggle with them. It's not always to have this type of personality because it often leaves my heart feeling battered and sore. But in the same way, it gives me the unique opportunity to pour into the lives of those who are hurting.

This past week I have had many conversations  with coworkers and the children at my work that have broken my heart. (The things these kids have gone through!) I hurt for the loss and pain my coworker went through as a child (I'm not at liberty to divulge details) and grieve for the loss of the kids who went through divorce and heartache at such young ages.

But it is in light of these stories that my eyes have been opened to the pain in these hearts, and I see this enlightenment as a chance to love these people all the more deeply. Will it hurt? Most likely. But when I think of the pain Christ must feel every day at the suffering of His children, my own seems so insignificant.

To love is to obey Christ. And while loving others is not always easy, it is what we are called to do as followers of the Great Lover Himself. The world tries to romanticize love; to make brotherly, or friendly love seen pointless. But only love can drive out hate. So should we not love all the more?! If putting our hearts on the line and embracing the pain and suffering of our fellow mankind can make a different in their lives, is it not  worth it?! So I will continue to love those who cross my path not matter how badly it might hurt. And while I may never know- this side of heaven- what difference it made in their lives, I do know this: to love is to bring Christ to others. Therefore, to live a life of love is the most notable of all causes in this world. And while I may never change the world, by loving someone I may just change the world for THAT person.

"Therefore, let us love one anther for love is of God." 

1 John 4:7 

A birthday rose

   I want to tell you a story about a young girl who's only wish for her birthday was for a rose of particular color: yellow. Without telling her friends or coworkers of this, the girl harbored this wish in her prayers until the day of her birthday. This particular wish was special to the girl because her favorite flower was the rose and her favorite color, yellow. Her previous plant had died with the winter chill much to the disappointment of the girl this she desired a new one. Unaware of this desire, the girl's friend went out and bought just such flowers for the girl's birthday.

   While this story may seem silly or insignificant, it holds deep meaning for me. You see, I was that girl. All I wanted was that yellow rose. Something so simple and unimportant. Surely God didn't care about that! But He showed up in a most unexpected way to show me that He does care about that which I care about; that He does indeed hear the desires of my heart no matter how small and yearns to fulfill such desires.

   I tell you this not to bring attention to myself, but to my God. Whoever said God doesn't care about the little details in life clearly never wanted anything so minuscule or pointless as a rose for their birthday. My friends, God does care about every detail of your life. If it's important to you, how much more so it is important to Him!

   The God Who created you and is even now writing Your life story, loves you beyond all human comprehension. Trust Him. His plan- His story- with all it's twists and turns, is the most beautiful story you could ever imagine yourself living. Even down to the smallest of details.

But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 

Luke 12:28

For the glory of God!